A Clean Slate- Day Zero on the Master Cleanse

What better way to start a food blog, than to begin it the day before a fast?  Well, there are probably lots of better ways.  I could be spending an inheritance eating my way through the Mediterranean, or sleeping on the beaches of Thailand and consuming the bounties of its cities.  I could even trawl through my own hometown, one food cart after the next-- though that one's been done, and done well.  So have Southeast Asia and the Mediterranean been sufficiently scoured for delectables by all the culinary pundits (and bloggers-- see the latest issue of bon appetit.  They are the nouveau journalistes, I tell ya).  But have any food devotees ever written about eating nothing at all?  

So let me begin my written homage to food with an empty stomach, a blank canvas.  The program is called the Master Cleanse.  I know, it sounds cultish.  It does seem to have quite a following.  It's also known as the Lemonade Diet, because that is what you drink, almost exclusively.  And this ain't no Minute Maid: think more along the lines of fresh-squeezed organic lemons and limes, water, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper.  Sound good?  Add to that stark menu two pints of salt water in the morning, and laxative tea at night, and the lemonade starts to sound a lot better, doesn't it!  

It's a cleansing and de-toxing regimen.  Supposedly, for the first several days, the feelings of pain, hunger, nausea, fatigue are just the toxins making their way out of the body, and then (again, supposedly) after that one feels great.  No hunger, lots of energy, supreme mental clarity.  It's also meant to take a figurative scrub brush to your intestinal tract.  The veterans of this cleanse tell me that, even after being on the fast for a week or more, they are still having bowel movements as large as if it were the day after Thanksgiving.  Wow.  What is in my intestines, and how long has it been there??  

So why, you may ask?  What, precisely, am I thinking when I voluntarily limit my intake to "lemonade," salt water, and Smooth Move for nigh on two weeks?  And my answer is, I don't really know!  If it's even remotely possible that there is months' or years' worth of food and "toxins" residing in my colon, then I definitely want it out.  I look forward for an excuse not to drink alcohol for ten days.  I won't deny that the potential for losing a few pounds before tank top season has crossed my mind.  But mostly I'm just curious.  If mental clarity is a possibility, I definitely want to check that out.  And if a mental wig-out it turns out to be, then so be it.  That'll be interesting too.

The Last Supper: A bagel toasted with cheese, a salad, a glass of white wine.  I thought about getting a burrito for my last hurrah, but it somehow didn't seem appropriate.  Tomorrow is Day One!  First item of the day: the saltwater flush.  I have a feeling I'll be referring to it often.  So let it now be known as my dear friend, SWF.

Grace.